using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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