wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize