Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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