it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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