you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize