It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize