he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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