My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize