I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize