Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize