I think my vagina is haunted
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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