You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize