You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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