I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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