Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize