From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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