I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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