Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize