so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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