I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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