I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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