This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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