My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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