I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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