I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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