I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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