They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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