I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize