Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize