i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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