Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize