I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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