Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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