Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like eating out sand paper
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize