Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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