Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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