I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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