Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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