don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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