I wanna bring you to show and tell
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize