There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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