I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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