is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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