I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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