6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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