so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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