He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So vagazzling was a success
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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