The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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