I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize