god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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